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The "Superpower" That's Making Girls Sick: How Perfectionism Masks Hidden Mental Health Struggles

Writer's picture: Megan FMegan F

In my work as a therapist, I have encountered a concerning pattern among young women: a relentless pursuit of perfection that often masks deeper underlying issues, particularly undiagnosed ADHD. These women appear like "superheroes" on the surface, seemingly having it all together. However, internally, they are suffering from a unique blend of emotional dysregulation, intense sensitivity to rejection, and a pervasive sense of inadequacy.

Instead of expressing anger or frustration, many have internalized these emotions, leading to feelings of shame, self-blame, and an exhausting cycle of people-pleasing. They strive tirelessly to meet impossible standards, often at the expense of their own well-being. What appears like a "superpower" to others is actually leaving them feeling drained, resentful, and trapped in a cycle of self-criticism.

It is likely that young girls develop perfectionism and people-pleasing tendencies as a response to a system that subtly, and often overtly, devalues their worth. From an early age, girls in the classroom are expected to be model students – well-behaved and high-achieving. Unlike their male peers, who are often perceived as inherently intelligent and confident, girls are expected to work tirelessly to prove themselves. This creates an inherent sense of inadequacy, as they strive to attain a level of intelligence that seems to come naturally to boys.

This pressure fuels a cycle of perfectionism, especially for girls who are in any way different from the "normal" student. These young girls, praised for their obedience and quiet demeanor, may have struggled with focus, organization, and emotional regulation from a young age. However, their difficulties were often overlooked or dismissed, while their "good behavior" was reinforced, leading to a dangerous cycle of internalization, whereby their struggles remained hidden, even from themselves.

In addition, girls are socialized to prioritize the needs of others above their own. They are expected to be obedient, accommodating, and selfless, often at the expense of their own well-being. This ingrained tendency to prioritize others can have serious repercussions. When faced with physical or mental health challenges, these girls are more likely to downplay their own needs, dismissing their concerns as insignificant compared to the demands of others. This self-neglect exacerbates existing issues and hinders their ability to fully recover.

The consequences of perfectionism and people-pleasing are significant. From undiagnosed mental health conditions to the development of idiopathic health issues, women are suffering immensely. It is crucial to recognize that not only may girls display mental health challenges differently than boys, but they may also have developed coping strategies that hide their struggles.

The relentless pursuit of perfection that many young women exhibit is not a "superpower," but rather a symptom of a system that devalues girls and sets them up for failure. By understanding the unique pressures and challenges faced by young women, we can begin to dismantle the harmful societal norms that perpetuate this "perfectionism trap." This includes challenging gender stereotypes, fostering environments that value authenticity and individuality, and encouraging girls to prioritize their own well-being. By empowering young women to break free from these self-destructive patterns, we can help them to live more fulfilling and authentic lives, free from the constant pressure to be "perfect."

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This page was founded by:

Megan Fordon, LLMSW

Michigan-Based Therapist

Bright Spot Counseling

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